Widowed to Restored Dreams

If I am ever arrested

for having sex in a parking lot

of a restricted area,

just know that I was

Looking for you

I would lay on my back

wishing the rain

was your moisture instead;

seeping through pores of ecstasy,

as I lick those soft coconuts

free of their warm sweet sweat.

If I am ever distracted

by dangling patterns in the sky,

while my blood boiling hot,

and I, still throbbing from behind.

Just know that I never focused on one thing

before my soul set sharp

on the thought of you.


If I am ever stimulated

by the smoke stealing dreams from my brain,

or teeth squeezing secrets through nipples

in hope for a commitment, or scarring stroke,

just know that I’ve rolled through valleys of pleasure;

my coaster hits its peaks in vain.

My drunken display was thirst in disguise

for a heart that was never full

from years in your eyes.

Just know that I’m still famished

from buffets of the fruitless;

craving to be intoxicated in you.


If I am ever merely fed

and it sounded like enjoyment

just know that it was never enough for me,

that I would beg you to join in.

I would nibble in hunger

for lips I pretend to kiss.

Just savoring what was missing.

I would cry afterwards and rename the moment

“wet dream”. I would moan and wish that the face in my eyelids

wasn’t just thoughts that decorate my head

till the end of my days, if I knew

but never had you,

But Jesus had it all. I should have known

He makes all things new.


*Proverbs 11:2-3

Proverbs 16:9  ” A man’s heart plans his way,

But the Lord directs His steps.”



Author: enoefia

This is my journey to become the Proverbs 31 woman that God wants me to be. I know by grace it is achievable. I am not perfect, but hopefully, other people can reflect and relate to the moments that captivate us anytime our destinies are steered by our souls and choices.

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